Back tracking

Okay so you are going to start noticing old pics from the beginning of summer. I meant to keep up with all the summer happenings on here but have been too busy to do so. I feel really guilty that I have not done very much journaling about Addie since she was born. With Ella I would write little updates on her and I religiously kept up with the milestones...Addie is a different story. I guess I understand now (being the third child) why I never even had a baby book...the few things from my childhood that my mom recorded fit on a single sheet of my sisters Kindergarten manuscript paper. I am really no longer bitter about this fact cause I understand how it can happen :) Never really bitter to start with just like to tease my mom with this :) I look at Addie and realize just how fast my baby is growing up and how important it is for me to journal about this time now, because I will quickly forget what she (and Ella) were like at this age. I know all this stuff probably will never mean as much to the girls as it will to me. This is just stuff that I can sit in my rocker one day and reflect on. It really is a great life!!

The Last Lecture Professor Passed Away Today

I am sure most people have already seen his 'last lecture' on you tube, but in case you haven't here is the link...it is definitely worth taking the hour to watch it. There is a book out about his life too by the same name.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo

He really was an inspiration and one heck of a guy it seems like.

Got Ella's Preschool info today!

She is in the class with Maria so I am excited about that. But, I don't recognize the other names on the list. Looks like the class she was in last year got divided among the other three teachers. I think sweet, little Alyssa is in her class though so that is the only other one from Ms. Windy's 3 year old class. Ms. Windy is only teaching the 3 year olds this year, but I really wish she was going to be Ella's teacher again this year. She was so kind and patient with the kids. Her new teacher, Ms. Emily, is a newbie with the preschool program, but she taught at Cumberland Trace before staying home with her children for 6 years so it is nice to know she has experience.

Staying Home Vs. Going to Work

Okay so the whole staying home vs. going to work debate has come back up in my head lately. I guess I am just starting to get stressed out again cause Addie is going through one of those difficult stages...the one where she wants me to hold her all the time and also where she is getting into anything and everything she doesn't need (her best friends are all the health & beauty care products she can reach.) I guess in the four years I have been home I have yet to find the right balance of spending quality time with the kids, cleaning the house, me time, and relationship time. Some days I look at the girls at the end of the day and it is hard to remember anything we really did together all day. Even though we are together all day, everyday, I feel like I fail to spend enough time making good memories with them. I am definitely not the type of stay-at-home mom I dreamed I would be...the kind who always had dinner on the table, a spotless house, the kids a lined up social calendar, and who did fun, learning activities with the kids...Okay, who am I kidding there are not enough hours in the day...but I guess I still feel like this is who I should be and I beat myself up on the inside when days go by where we do none of these things. Sometimes I feel like the girls would be better suited in a good daycare where they could be constantly busy. I know I get lonely sometimes, and I work better on a set schedule that comes from working outside the home. It might sound silly, but in some ways I think I would get alot more done at home and spend alot more quality time with the kids if I worked...When I have all day to get things done I procrastinate, but if I know 40 hrs of my week are at work I am more likely to kick it into high gear and get more done. This is just how my brain has always worked...the more external demands there are on me the more productive I am. I don't think enough has been demanded or expected of me lately and I have failed to step up on my own. I just want what is best for the kids, and I have always thought I was doing the right thing for us by staying home...I guess I just second guess sometimes. I read something somewhere the other day about deciding the kind of person you want to be and then making baby steps towards that goal everyday. Then someday you will wake up and be the person you have always aspired to be. This is my new goal...baby steps. When I try to do it all at once I fail terribly. Okay this is a bunch of jibber jabber I know...probably doesn't make much sense...but I feel a little better.

Ella's Glasses

She got her glasses tonight! They are the same style as mine and really look great on her face. They match her skin and hair perfect. So far she wears them constantly without a fuss. The only problem is that Addie likes to rip them off her face. That will be a challenge keeping her little hands off them. She has to wear them for two months for sure. I really hope they help strengthen her eyes enough that we can delay surgery. I really dread seeing my baby go through surgery. Makes me sick just thinking about it.